The views and opinions expressed in this post are my own and do not necessarily represent the postings, strategies or opinions of the author and publishing company.
My heart is saddened each time I got news about married couples parting their ways. I can’t help but ask myself, “What went wrong?” Of course no one knew the whole story but them and God and the four corners of their house that once called HOME.
I’ve known a few stories of broken marriages from relatives and friends. To learn about a family that has been severed by unresolved issues and unforgiveness is something that we just can’t shrugged off.
Somebody close to me who got separated with her husband of 9 years told me one afternoon that her life has never been the same again after leaving her family. Although she and her estranged husband both have moved on with their lives and both are already committed to another relationship, she felt that the separation left a huge hole in her heart. I cannot divulge the cause of their separation as it is not my freedom to do so but the only thing she said to me that their unhappiness doesn’t just showed up to their doorstep overnight.
Another friend once asked me abruptly as we bumped to each other in the powder room, “Kate, how does your husband show affection to you? My husband would never miss a day in his life to say ‘I love you’ to me but I felt that I need more than just a few I love you’s. What I want from him is to check on me and ask me how am I doing, have I eaten my lunch, what do I want for our anniversary. I think he’s a great husband but I believe our relationship has more room to grow if we can demonstrate our love in many ways.”
I couldn’t agree more with my dear friend. However, her thoughts and confusion must address by the only person who could help her resolve their conflicts and differences- her husband.
My husband Alvin and I have been very expressive to each other since we met. We would write letters to each other any time we want to. Even after a long day’s work, there is not a single time he’ll miss to plant a kiss on my cheeks. Although we’ll be glad to enjoy a more passionate kiss but since we’ve got 2 kids roaming around us, we’ll just settle on the Rated PG-kind of kiss then winced at each other before walking away.
In 16 years of our marriage, we are still discovering each other. Our conflicts serve as a reminder to embrace character change for the greater good. God has been gracious to us who transform the weak points of our marriage and help us pursue a more passionate and stronger covenant.
Another friend at the church shared a valuable lesson that she learned from a book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. It is about learning to identify the 5 emotional love language of you and your spouse. I’ve got my own copy of this book years after my friend and I talked. Had I known how helpful and important it is to speak the love language of my husband, we could have avoided a lot of arguments and misunderstanding. I regret not rushing into the bookstore to grab this book. I recommend this not just for married people but to everyone who would want to be an effective communicators of love.
The book help me to understand my need to constantly hear words of affirmation from my husband. Encouragement and positive words build up my spirit and fill my heart with joy and security. I have also confirmed my husband’s love language is act of service. Although I’ve recognized it long before but the biggest revelation for me is how to find pleasure in serving him. I’ve learned to do something for him not because my duty speaks but serving Alvin is my way to express my love for him and that his happiness is important to me. Alvin loves food so home-made cooking will be an act of love to him. When he speak praises for what I served on the table, I felt abundant love. When cooking his meals, doing his laundry, cleaning up his recreational area fills up his love tank, I pray that God will give me more tomorrows to show him more love for the rest of my life.
So what’s your love language? Today, I challenge you to read the book The 5 Love Languages and share it with your husband. After that, devote a day to discuss it together or you can follow the practical advice at the Frequently Asked Questions portion at the latter part of the book. First and foremost, pray for the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to direct each other’s approach.